Fri, 18 October 1996 11:10:27 -0700 (PDT)
Dateline: 654 Mission
Hey Baby, Got Any Fries To Go With That Shake?
A Night Of Fast-Food Gluttony at Cyborganic.
This week, TND celebrated good old American grease. Everything was, as the invitation said, fast, cheap, and not terribly nutritious. Thanks to the benevolence of an Anonymous Philanthropist/Guest Chef, the evening started off with Happy Meals and their assorted toys (please see this rather disturbing picture of The Big Cheese teething), and spiraled right down the food chain from there. TNDers brought fingerfoods from every fine dining establishment in town with a drive-through window. Everyone claimed that they would never normally put such horrors into their delicate and finely-tuned bodies, but stuffed down yet another curly fry when they thought no one else was looking. Some of the Mills contingent wore their Happy Meal masks in blissful ignorance of the fact that they were smearing their foreheads with the hamburger grease soaked into the cardboard. Noted "Web Professionals" lounged on the floor drinking koolaid colored pre-mixed tequila foofoo drinks. All of the GeekCereal flakes made an appearance and schmoozed with the other beautiful people (including the esteemed Mr. Jeremy Bornstein, who discussed the best way to strip meat off a skull with me). French-fries were ground into the rug. The occasional passerby stopped and stared longingly in the windows at the polygraph machine, drawn, no doubt, by the smell of ketchup wafting out our windows. Strangely, none of the TNDers wore the polyester uniforms they probably all have hanging in their closets from those early teen years spent working at Jack-In-The-Box. Chickens.
Agro played old-school rap, and someone who insisted her name not be mentioned did The Worm and The Bus Driver and then fell over on the carpet. She suggested that we install some linoleum in the corner next to the stereo so we can all breakdance without getting carpet burns. Talk to the "TND Queen in this regard. (Although personally I think a trampoline is an even better idea.)
The Swabmaster was Kelly Cunningham <firstname.lastname@example.org>, and we are forever and ever indebted to her for doing such a wonderful job. Everything was CLEAN when we dragged our sorry selves in here this morning. Cleaner, in fact, than before TND started. The trash cans were clean. Kelly really knows how to put litter in its place.